Dear Daydreamer,
People give speeches to graduating students at university and college convocations, which to me seems late to offer advice because if you have made it to university or college, you have already figured out a few things to do with school. What’s more, there’s not much in the way of useful advice to offer the graduating students. If I were invited to speak to students, I would like to do so at a commencement ceremony for grade nine and grade ten high school students.
Retrospection is a gift bestowed only by passage of time and trailing on hindsight’s tail is regret, so any counsel I might offer is possibility based on my own experience and observation. That’s why, if I had to limit my advice to one thing, it would be: Don’t go out into the world without a high school diploma.
You may believe that high school isn’t for you. And you may be right. But, you also may not yet have value in participating in your education. Or ways to work around the challenges that you face.
So, here is where I try to explore the reasons you might feel—rightly so—like school isn’t for you, and vice versa.
About fitting in
Everyone wants to feel a sense of belonging. But right now, it may seem as if this feeling you have of being an outcast will last forever. It will not. So, don’t fight it. Instead:
- Don’t try to fit in. You won’t. If you are trying to fit in, give it up. Here’s why: Like-minded individuals become friends because they have things in common that’s why it shouldn’t take a great deal of effort.
- Go looking for like-minded individuals; don’t expect them to seek you out. Sure, it may happen naturally in class, but if you join an after school club you will find others who are interested in the same stuff you are.
- Don’t put much stock into what other people say. Especially if they are saying it about someone you like, or someone they don’t personally know. Chances are they are just cutting up someone’s character because they don’t feel good about themselves.
- Don’t chase popularity, either. It’s not worth the energy.
About popularity
Because popularity is an empty pursuit with fleeting results, we’ll skip this ridiculous topic except to say this:
- Don’t get a crush on a popular kid; it will break your heart.
- If you get a crush on a popular kid, know that your heart will heal.
- If you are a popular kid, understand the extent of this responsibility and act accordingly.
Keep in mind: Everyone feels like a freak. Only the brave ones admit it.
About being artistically inclined
Earlier, I mentioned convocation speeches. From that you may have assumed that I’ve sat in an audience, one of hundreds of graduates, wearing a cap and gown and listening to some old bore drone congratulatory remarks about the possibility that lay before us. I have not. If you believe, however, that I am speaking from a place of experience, you are right. I am. I am a high school drop-out. That does not mean that I do not have a high school diploma. I do. Or, rather I do now. Because I discovered much later that I needed one—for better employment, for self-esteem, to feel as if I finished something I started.
What it also means is that I understand the some of the reasons that teens, like you, drop-out. It is not as complicated as you think, and the reasons are more easily defined with the passing of time. For me, the short answer is: I felt lost.
I was also in a hurry to live a “grown-up” life, to be an adult (independent, earning an income, to be doing something (anything!) other than sitting in a classroom). I also had latent artistic tendencies. Once I recognized that, acknowledged it, I had a better understanding of what I was feeling. The school system is for academics, not artists. But wait. There is a place for you, too, within the system. You just need to know where to look.
It’s true, you want to start living life, instead of reading about it because:
- You are too bright to sit idly, so your mind wanders. Let it. It’s how it makes sense of the world.
- You are shy (read: afraid of being judged). That makes you more alike than different.
- You’ve cut so many classes, you’ve already failed. Re-focus. Just because you failed to pass a course, does not make you a failure. Failure and self-worth are not interchangeable principles.
Or, what’s worse is that:
- You are an artist. You can’t see how academic work applies to what you want to do with your life.
In which case you will most definitely need to learn patience. You will need patient when you start working with the number of folks who dismiss your creativity, force you into 9–5 routine, or micro-manage you until you question the sanity of working for someone else. And you will need to stick to doing something you don’t like until the job is finished.
There will be time to get out into the work force to share your talents. Only fools rush in.
Schools Encourage Academics, Not Artist Types Struggling to Become Artists
I could have easily titled this essay “How to Kill a Young Artist,” because many drop-outs have a strong artistic bent, a very strong artistic bent. And the average high school does not support the Arts. But the truth is, the public at large doesn’t see value in the Arts, either. Not in the way an struggling artist needs support.
Most everyone wants to celebrate artistic success, not a gifted painter who has not yet sold a piece of artwork for a princely sum, or an actor who is stockpiling credits as an extra in movies and commercials while honing his craft, or, gawd forbid, a writer who self-publishes her rejected manuscripts, or even the ballet dancer who spends her lifetime in chorus roles.
We love to celebrate only those artists who break-out of the crowd, not the ones who continue to work at their art and earn a living from it. We see artistic success in terms of commercial success.
And because so many believe that it art is commerce, before you begin, you may already feel as if you’re a failure. Don’t. You are just a teenager with many years of creative work ahead of you. So, never mind the body piercings and tattoos and other forms of physical mutilation—that’s art turned inwards. You need to show your inner artist to the world. It takes courage. And it won’t be easy.
It won’t be easy because:
- No one ever told you that you were an artist.
- No one ever said nice things about your creative pursuits.
- Someone laughed.
- Someone called you or your work “ugly,” or both.
You may not believe it because:
- Your parents tossed out your handmade comic books.
- Your sister smashed your pottery pieces.
- Your aunt told everyone that your brother had “real talent.”
You think it will be difficult because:
- Everyone says, “It’s not a real job.”
- Everyone says, “You’d better have a back-up plan.”
- Everyone says, “There is no money in the Arts.”
All that negativity aside, you will find that you will use these hideous adolescence experiences in your creative work. Pursue your passion with gusto. This doesn’t mean the that you must have a gallery showing by age 20, or write an immensely popular novel by your 25th birthday. This simply means that you must find value in learning about your creativity and in exploring it. And if you think that you can’t find that in high school, you are wrong. It’s there. You’ve just been looking for it in the wrong place.
And just because you don’t fit into the mould of a serious student, it’s not okay to make fun of kids that do. They are just like you. They’re looking for a sense of belonging, too.
Find Your Artistic Community
I can hear you arguing that you will still be able to get a job without a high school diploma, that your art will carry you through. Sure, you will likely need a (boring old) day job before you are able to earn a living through your craft. And being stuck in a job you immensely dislike is the same as being stuck in a classroom trying to learn a subject you dislike. The only difference is that a job gives you a paycheque at the end of a two-week period.
Rolling weed into a finely crafted joint is not a skill set valued in the marketplace. And hanging out in the smoking area with your friends might seem like great fun, but each class you skip you do so at the expense of the future you. Each day you are creating your life. Is this the life you want? If so, keep at it. If not, change its direction.
If you feel rejected, as if you are not accepted, or acceptable, as if you are somehow less, imagine feeling like every time you have to explain why you don’t have a high school diploma. Imagine what that might do to your sense of esteem. Trust me, it will make you feel small. It will make you feel like a failure before you’ve even been given a chance to prove yourself. It will colour everything you do in the future. And you will likely spend the rest of your life hiding it from even your closest of friends. It’s like bed-wetting, early failure causes us shame and humiliation. Dropping-out isn’t about rebellion, or about our failure to conform, or about a lack of education. It’s about quitting. You are giving up on yourself.
When you drop-out, you are hiding from life and this sets you up for a lifetime of hiding from challenges, even believing in your excuses for doing so.
I know that you think that you are being brave, that you are bucking the trend, fighting for your freedom, that you are rebelling against the establishment, but the truth is, you are only hurting yourself.
And haven’t you been hurting for long enough?
This essay owes a great deal to “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” by Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune (June 1997).
Thank you for inspiring me to make sense of my own high school drop-out experience.