… continued

Lesson #2: Reach Out

Another outcome is the thankfulness that I have for friendship. Personal relationships are at the core of everything we do, and reaching out at a difficult time, letting folks know that you care, means more than you might.

Reaching out takes effort, but even when we want to, the reality is that some of us find it difficult to do, preferring to remain distant emotionally. We are not always as dependable as we ought to be.  Knowing that I can withdraw when it’s vitally important not to, I did what I was capable of—emotionally, physically—to support the parents of one of the boys who were living through a nightmare of an experience. I remained in touch by text messaging, I emailed, I visited them in the hospital, and I passed along well wishes from everyone who asked me to me including former team parents, parents from other hockey teams, my neighbours, my family members. I was deeply touched by the outpouring of love, as cheesy as it may seem. To a couple living a parental nightmare the thoughts and prayers of distant acquaintances helped to salve their emotional pain. In the simple task as messenger, I learned that compassion goes a long way to helping someone else, if it is expressed.

In having learned that lesson, just weeks later, I was nearly involved in a car collision on a busy highway. I stopped to offer help.

Really, it did not matter to me if I could help or not. It was important to me to offer it. I remembered being moved by an unexpected telephone call to help with all things insurance related from a hockey parent with whom I had not had close contact in a few years.  Naturally, I was unable to restrain myself from letting loose a barrage of unsolicited advice and warnings about potential depression, getting the right medical care, the need for immediate physiotherapy treatment, and the benefits of massage therapy, but that came later.

Lesson #3: Pay Attention to Your Life

This experience held a lesson for everyone, or, we wouldn’t have been touched by it.

All of us who were close to the families, those in our immediate hockey circle, and those in the extended hockey families, individually and collectively, learned something. There was a take-away from this near tragedy. Whether we chose to pay attention, or not, it was each individual’s choice. But this is one of those smack-upside-the-head, instead of a tap-on-the-shoulder kind of hint, and it was hard to miss.

For me, it was a reminder to pay attention.

Pay attention, in any area you believe you’re not already doing so.

Personally, I was not paying attention to the degree to which these teens—nearly grade 10 students—these 15 and 16 year-olds were attending parties, that so many of them were drinking and smoking weed. After all, they were on the ice four times a week, most of them in rep hockey as well as playing on senior hockey team (grades 11 and 12) at school as grade nine students.  In their downtime, they had homework, workouts, and Facebook/Twitter/BBM. When did they have time to party? No matter how wholesome I imagined about my young son’s social life to be, it was time that I pay closer attention.

But, again, recklessness doesn’t have to be habitual. It just takes one misstep. One mistake can change your life.  Just weeks earlier, I had been talking to my son about the dangers of driving, of drinking and driving, of getting into a vehicle being driven by someone who has been drinking, or smoking weed. My son’s team-mates’ injuries brought the topic to the forefront. They would be out of hockey for the season, possibly permanently. I was fine dealing in hypothetical scenarios; this was a real-life example that I would rather not have had.

There lessons, for sure, and once the shock lessened, I examined the situation for one, for anything that might teach me, or remind me of the reasons for this thing we were experiencing individually and as a group. After a few months of looking for answers, I still could not make sense of the situation, so I garnered the basics—there are two sides to every story (and often you won’t know the full story), reach out to those who are in pain. With little effort, you can let someone know that s/he is being thought of at a time that is difficult for them. I also learned to pay closer attention to my son’s social life by consistently asking questions, but mostly I learned that simply learning from the experience was a lesson in itself.